Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
