Define "chronic" masturbator.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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