hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Two words: blizzard sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
