There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
