): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
