Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
now i know why i became what i already was.
im holly from the hills drunk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
it's like iHOP with fire
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
