I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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