dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize