Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
