I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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