i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
