I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
