i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize