Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
