Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I love you. Go after that dick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
