After last night, I could never be a politician.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
