dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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