Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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