I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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