At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
