You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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