It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
