I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
