I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
