So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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