I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
