Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize