I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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