ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
