so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
