There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
