meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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