I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
