Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
