I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
