haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize