I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
