So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
