it's great music for shaving your balls
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
