there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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