I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
