He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
