I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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