Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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