Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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