Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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