I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
