Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I need a burrito and a hug.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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