I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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