you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
