I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
