Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
