I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
