I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
