At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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