Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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