He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up under a house in Key West
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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