Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
birth control should be required to get into college
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
