i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
