I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize