I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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